Friday, 11 November 2011

You Know You're Gay When...

It's Friday night and this list is hilarious and for those of you who know me... very accurate!!! 
Pour a glass of wine, sit back and have a laugh! ;)

You know you're gay when...

  • You wear the appropriate underwear for each of your dates.

  • You understand the subtle differences between at least 20 brands of vodka.

  • You understand the immense importance of good (or bad) lighting.

  • You can be in a crowded bar and still spot a toupee from 50 yards away.

  • You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit and mean her bathing suit.

  • You can tell a woman she has lipstick on her teeth without embarrassing her.

  • No one expects you to kiss and not tell.

  • You can have naked pictures of men you know in your home.

  • You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home.

  • You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home and on your computer.

  • Unlike your women friends, you can hang out in men's locker room.

  • You understand why the good Lord created spandex.

  • You understand why the good Lord did not intend everyone to wear spandex.

  • You know the difference between a latte, cappuccino, cafe au lait and a macchiato. And if you don't, you know how to fake it.

  • You know how to get back at just about everyone.

  • Your pets always have great names.

  • Nobody expects you to change a tire.

  • You're the only guy who gets to do the "Cosmo" quizzes.

  • You know how to get a waiter's attention.

  • You only wear polyester when you mean to.

  • At any given instant, you can recite who was gay since the dawn of history.

  • You are, hands down, your nephew's and nieces' favorite uncle.

  • You get to choose your family.

  • You can tell your sexual compatibility with a potential partner by the way he holds his drink.

  • You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them.

  • You wouldn't be caught dead in Hooters.

  • You can freeze an approaching bar troll twenty feet away.

  • You're good pals with women other people can't stand.

  • You've always got an opinion, and don't mind sharing it.

  • You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.

  • You know how to "air kiss".

  • You know exactly which cosmetic surgery to consider having... and the perfect excuse to give people who ask where you've been for two weeks.

  • You know how to dress strategically.

  • You know when to move out and move on.

  • You are the only one at the class reunion who looks better than you did in high school.

  • You've got at least one framed picture of a pet.

  • You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't necessarily an insult.

  • You wouldn't buy someone a mug for their birthday.

  • You know which wine to bring.

  • Sales clerks don't mess with you.

  • You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.

  • You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade.

  • You've just about defeated the accent you were born with.

  • You know the way to a man's heart is not necessarily through his stomach.

  • You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.

  • You know every film ever made with male frontal nudity.

  • You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.

  • You have the latest International Male catalog.

  • You wouldn't dream of dressing out of the latest International Male catalog.

  • You can be bitchy without anyone blaming it on biology.
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