Monday, 7 November 2011

Oprah's First Lifeclass

As I write this little story I do realize that there really is no lesson to be learned here. It really is just a mindless story about a fish.
When I was a University student I lived in a house with about 5 other students. I had hung in there for a 3rd semester and was the senior person living in the house so I got the master bedroom. What did this mean? Well I had a bigger closet, more space, and extra dresser and a queen sized bed. It was a pretty sweet situation and it was summer so quite the score. I went off to the mall the celebrate this occasion and came home with a fish.
She was a powerful fish. Her black skin glistened in her bowl. He eyes were bulgy. So, in a non racist way I named her Oprah. Oh, come on. I wasn't racist. It was the 90's and there were not a lot of powerful black woman with eyes like Oprah. Anyway, Oprah was her name. I could have lied and said it was Sally but Sally's life class would have a been a gay title so I told the truth!
So I was quite proud of my new room and kept it quite clean. I would see if there was a sock out of place on most days so that evening I knew something was not right in the master bedroom. I had just come in my room after showering and as I towelled my head I noticed something black on the floor. It look like cat poo yet there were no cats in the house. Like most guys, I stood there looking at it for a while waiting for it to tell me what it was. Then, a bolt of panic rushed through me. It was Oprah! She had committed suicide while I was hanging with the roomies or showering. I ran to her lifeless body. She was covered in lint and dust. Her shiny blacks scales were dirty and pale.  She was clearly dead as she laid lifeless and dry in my hand. It was sad. Oprah was so young. So strong and full of life.
I was heading toward to bathroom to flush her into the fish afterlife AKA St. John's harbour, when I realized that I might be able to save her. I decided I would put her back in her bowl and pump her little chest to get some water back into her. I cleaned all the crap off her and shouted to Oprah to live. This continued for a minute or so. Then it happened!
I'll be God damned but the fish flicked her fins a couple of times and her eyes seem to come back alive, although one was bloodshot and she now only swam in circles to the right. Hmmm. She looked pissed.
So Im not sure if Oprah attempted suicided that day or not but I am sure that if she did and I saved her only for her to survive with limited functions and the ability to only swim in one direction, in a constant circle for the remaining years of her life, she probably didn't like me as much as I liked her.
This is the conclusion of Oprah's Lifeclass.

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