Thursday, 17 November 2011

The One That Got Away


I fell in love once, quickly and intensely with a guy, but he scared me. He scared the hell out of me. He was younger, clever, tall and strong. He was beautiful. His confidence was unlike anything I had ever seen or experienced before. I met him around the same time I met Darren and both of them intrigued me. What was the most obvious difference between the two was that one pursued me clearly and passionately and one didn't.
I am such a bitch at times. When a man likes you and makes it clear that he likes you, often time us chicks run to the guy who ignores us and treats us indifferently. Del liked me and genuinely showed me he liked me. He was gentle and sweet. He would kiss me and make the hairs on my neck stand on end.
He would call me and show up at my door with romantic gestures and make me feel like such a man. Del showed me that men can love men and it can be nothing but natural and masculine. He showed me that I was worthy of a public kiss and a snog in the corner of a bar. He made that summer so much fun and made our brief time passionate, exciting and it was love to me.
Looking back now, I don't know if I fell "in" love that summer but he taught me what love was and what love could be between two men. I ultimately had to make a choice and I have tried not to look back at that choice over that last 4 years, but sometimes I do.
A while back I read on Facebook that he and his handsome boyfriend were going to get married. It made me kind of sad. Like that chapter of my life that I had indeed put on hold 4 years ago had been closed.
I wondered if I had made a mistake. My relationship with Darren had not really gone where I had wanted it to go and it was mostly my fault, but I felt very lonely. I love Darren and always will but I suddenly felt that guttural feeling for Del.
That moment of regret was quickly replaced. I realized that Del moving to Vancouver and finding love  was definitely a great thing. It taught me that there are fish in that sea that we share for a brief time and we release and there are some that will will tag along with for life. Del was my catch and release and I love what we shared. It will always be there and always be real. It was passionate, it was intense and it was real. It was Del.
Everyone needs a summer like the one I spent with Del. It is my right of passage. It was a life lesson and it was love. He was my Dirty Dancing, my Stand By Me and my Footloose all rolled up into one hell of a sexy man. That summer taught me what to look for in life, in love and in my future. Del has become my gauge for the men I want to date now. If they don't make me feel like Del made me feel, I know it isn't worth it.
Del you are awesome, you are hot as balls and you are going to have the happiest life with the best guy ever.
Del, I have a little message to your man.... Congratulations mister. xo

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