Friday, 11 November 2011

Family Geocache Day

So today we went geo-caching. If you just got excited by that sentence then you are a dork. I'm sorry, I shouldn't say things like that but you are a dork. Let me explain to everyone just what this big craze is all about.
After you pay $10 for the app, you then proceed to drive around the city, like a dork, looking for bullet sized caches that are hidden in trees and statues by other dorks.
It really seemed like fun in theory. This afternoon we went and picked up Kennedy and her friend and off we went to geo-cache. It was sunny but cool so I thought it would be a nice family day kinda thing to do. Aparently someone has hidden one about 50 meters from our house so we started there. It seemed simple enough and we could see the house from the spot. We would use the app to locate the area and then we look around to find this "fruit tin" wrapped in camouflage tape hanging from a tree (as it was described in the app). Off we went. I chose to wear my new white puma sneakers as we trudge down the embankment to the muddy riverbed. There appeared to be a beaten down trail so we figure this had to be it. As we looked around at the 6 million trees around us I knew then that I just wanted to walk up the embankment and walk down the road and go in the house and make a cup of tea but we had the kids with us so I pretended to act interested. All I found there was broken beer bottles, bags of garbage and what appeared to be some sort of net that I envisioned a serial killer would use to capture a victim. So off to the next one.
I drove while Darren navigated. Let me rephrase that. I drove while Darren repeatedly said he didn't understand the app. I told him to figure it all out the night before but of course in typically male fashion he knew it all the night before and knew nothing now while we were actually doing this stupid activity. We then drove around the city for a while before I suggested that we go over to the cemetery by the lake and see about that spot. It is an old cemetery with lots of old twisted trees and an tons of space for a dork to hide a capsule. Darren led us around in circles for a while saying he was on the trail.... first it was over this way.... then it was over that way.... then it was over by that lady with the stroller smoking a joint... then I took the IPhone from him and walked 20 meters and we found the cache. Tucked cleverly into the hole of an old tree was this little black capsule. Darren was so excited that he could barely contain himself. When the 3 old ladies approached the area that we were in to lay the flowers they were carrying onto the graves of their verteren husbands Darren told us all to act cool because they were probably "muggles." I placed my fingers to my temples, closed my eyes and had a complete meltdown in my head. Muggles are people who hang around these areas trying to steal other dorks thunder by not finding the cache themselves but instead they lurk and wait for someone else to find it and then run over and claim this cache find unfairly. Yes, I and still telling a real story. There are notes on this app that warns you if a certain cache is in a "high muggle area." Once it was confirmed that these ladies were not muggles, Darren twisted the cache open and proceeded to take out the rolled up paper and write our names and date on the paper, roll it back up and put it back into the tree.
Darren was exhilarated.  He thought this was the best thing ever. Kennedy and her friend seemed kind of impressed as well. Why am I always the sour puss? I felt like I was playing a real life version of dungeons and dragons and some kid dressed like a pony was going to come out from behind a headstone and hit me with a sword.
After the first cache was found we were off to find number two. I chose Bannerman Park as it was close by and would be getting closer to home. As we pulled into the park this quest got more difficult. Apparently the muggles were everywhere and "Shawnawdithit's Garden" was not as clearly marked as I had hoped. So two gay men and two teenage girls proceeded to look around and up into most of the trees in Bannerman Park. Obviously we did this without being to conspicuous so not to alert the muggles or the police. I found a huge mushroom in a tree trunk but that was it before the IPhone battery died and the directions and clues were gone. For that brief moment I believed in Jesus.
Sometimes I am a total party pooper. Had this been an adult game that involved shooters and fireworks it may have been more fun but I really didn't get it. The old thing is that this is a world wide phenomenon that millions of people are participating in. Don't these people have cable? Maybe if there was money or diamonds or something better than a piece of paper in the cache it would be fun. Actually, no, it wouldn't be.
So, if you are a geocacher I'm sorry if I implied that you are a dork. You more than likely are not a dork, but you just do dorky things when you think nobody is looking. Newsflash, I am now looking and I ca see you. Now when I see people pulled over on the side of the road looking at a tree I now know they are not looking for a place to pee, they are geo-caching.... or muggling, either way they need to get cable.
So we are probably going again tomorrow but I am going to wear my viking Halloween costume and run up to muggles with my axe and scream! I will fake an accent as we approach other geo-cachers and take this much more seriously than I did today. I may also let Darren drive so I can get drink and play this game properly!


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