Friday, 4 November 2011

Nanny's Apples

Let's again make things clear.... I absolutely love my mom but she is a freaking kook at times! I think it comes with age. Maybe at some point in our lives we just say "fuck it" and do whatever the hell we want or think. Im not really sure when it happened but at some point over the last ten years my mom stopped throwing things away. Maybe it stems back from a childhood of what in todays terms we would consider poverty. Maybe it is because she has more now than she ever had in her life and she doesn't want to be wasteful. Maybe it is because she is a freakin' kook! I don't really know but thank God she isn't changing because is keeps us laughing every day.
Mom buys fruit to put around in her fruit dishes and she knows that nobody is going to eat it and on top of that they keep the temperature in that house so hot that the fruit has a lifespan of about 3 hours.
One day when Kennedy was about 8 we were up at Nanny's house for a chat and as usual when we were getting ready to leave, mom was going around filling up bags of stuff for us to take from soap to frozen foods. Mom's tickle truck spans from every room in the house to the closets and freezers. You can't leave that house without a necklace and charm bracelet from Avon and a container of bath beads!
This one day as Nanny was rounding up our loot Kennedy decided to reach for a shiny red apple perfectly displayed in Nanny's crystal fruit bowl. It was like it was in slow motion. I saw her reaching for the fruit but I just wasn't able to react fast enough. Kennedy's little fingers pushing completely through the mushy core of the apple. Instead of being able to pick up the fruit and bite it, her fingers crushed the fruit like it was made of mousse. I grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the fruit and ran her to the sink. While I washed her tiny little hands I gave her the words of advice that stay with her to this day.... "At Nanny's house we don't eat the apples... the apples eat us!"
Poor Mom, she means well but she really can't just throw things away. She cannot be wasteful. On top of all that she is a chronic compulsive shopper and trust me when I say she loves to give it all away. I once asked her is she had any bubble bath. I opened the cabinet door in the bathroom and counted 27 giant bottles of varying scents based on seasons.
If Kennedy ever needed a gist for a party or a teacher, we just took her to Nanny's house and within minutes she was set, gift bag, card and all.
Once she made a cheese ball for Christmas. We sat around on Christmas day and enjoyed it and commented on how good it was. We discussed her recipe and by the end of the day what was left was wrapped and placed in the fridge. When my brother was visiting the following summer I found the partially eaten, wrapped up cheese-ball in the fridge. In horror I asked if it was what I thought it was. She insisted on smelling it and insisted it was still good. She said she wasn't going to eat it but she would instead feed it to the crows. I am not exactly sure what the end result of that cheese-ball was but i do know it was found one more time before it disappeared for good.
My mother is awesome. she is loving, generous to a fault and she is a total kook. One day I was at her house and she asked me if I wanted a salad spinner. I responded "Sure, i guess. Why are you giving away salad spinners?" "Oh I have 9. They were on sale at WalMart." Thats my mom. Buying everything she can and giving away even more. She would be a hoarder if she kept everything she bought but instead she is a giver. She showers us all with soap and cheese, ham and cookies, and anything and everything that she can buy. If you every need anything at all, a hug, a toy, a set of matching towels, purple drapery panels with grommets, just go to my mom's house. Just don't eat the apples!

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